20 character refunctions restoring wellness

Orient yourself to make the most of what you receive in life and avoid taking it for granted. Position yourself with your attitude to receive more of what your life requires. Affirm other's generosity toward you. Insist others not take your offerings for granted. Spur their gratitude by refusing their exploitation of your generosity. With more gratitude, observe more needs resolving. 

COUNTERS ingratitude, arrogant entitlement, alienation, impersonal quid pro quo

Drop any pretense that you know best for others. Don’t cling too tightly to what you think must be good for yourself. Make room for others to face you honestly and interact with you as authentically as possible. Let your pride balance with your capacity to be critiqued. Nurture the humility in others by not provoking their defensiveness, but instead treating them with kindness. With more humility, see more needs resolve.

COUNTERS hubris, unrealistic expectations, presumptive attitude, superiority, pretension

Say what you need to say without guile. Avoid manipulating others with words you know aren't true. Avoid putting yourself in a situation you feel you must deceive others. Nurture a reputation of being reliable in what you express. Be authentic. Hold others to a higher standard of being forthright with you. See how honesty resolves more needs in your life. 

COUNTERS dishonesty, deception, inauthenticity, hiding, distrust, guile

Refrain from harsh words. Give encouragement to those in need. Smile more towards others, even if they do not smile back. Let your smile sustain your positive attitude, especially in those moments when you don't feel like smiling. Yet be sure your positive regard stays sincere. Be an example of the level of kindness we all need for more civil interactions, leading to more meaningful lives.

COUNTERS rudeness, incivility, loneliness, social disconnection, low self-esteem

Be ready to give a softer touch where appropriate. Stay sensitive to those who appear alarmed by any harshness. They may be going through intense pain, or suffering some kind of trauma. Discern when a scalpel is better than a sledgehammer. Know where it's best to be humble yet firm. Tread softly through a field of wounded soldiers. Avoid reopening old wounds. Let your gentleness help them to more fully heal and grow strong. 

COUNTERS brashness, discourtesy, insensitivity, provoked defensiveness

Admit where you are honestly at in life, and not quite where you or others expect you to be. Release yourself from unrealistic expectations, and appreciate getting to your goals one step at a time. Allow room for unavoidable setbacks.  Meet others where they are at, instead of where you may expect them to be. With more grace, observe more needs resolving. 

COUNTERS unrealistic expectations, debilitating perfectionism, overreach, disillusionment, self-righteousness, defensiveness

Let go of your anger when wronged. Release yourself from your own self-chastisement. View any infringement of your rights as a mistake they can freely admit. Give others the space to honestly admit their imperfections. Rebuild trust by acknowledging your errors toward others. See how forgiveness resolves more needs.

COUNTERS grudges, revenge, overreaction, impeding improvements, misunderstandings

After letting go of your anger with forgiveness, continue nurturing the relationship by offering to restore any losses. Rebuild trust by compensating others for any damage for actions caused. Respect where others cannot go on without restoring what they’ve lost. Connect with others where they hurt, with empathetic generosity. Respond to other's gestures toward you who seek to rebuild any damaged trust. See how atonement resolves needs. 

COUNTERS sugarcoating, distrust, damaged rapport, rationalizations, wasted potential

Be ready to let go not only of your anger, but let go also of your right to exact vengeance for a suffered wrong. Give more room to restore a damaged relationship by offering to forgo just compensation. Inspire their gratitude toward you with your readiness, willingness, and ability to clear their debts toward you. Engender mercy from others with your humility and remorse. Let your mercy demonstrate your love for others. See mercy resolve more needs.

COUNTERS obsessive anger, indulgent retribution, perpetuating harm, violence cycles

There is more to justice than grieving a loss due to violence. Step beyond mere relief to address your needs with others on par with them respecting their needs with you. Hold others accountable who try to ease their needs or wants at your unwelcome expense. While life isn't fair, interactions in relationships are either fair with balanced results or that relationship does not work. Instead of reacting with revenge, embarrass them by responding to their needs better than they respond to yours. Hold both sides to the same standard of conduct for any relation. See how substantive justice resolves more needs. 

COUNTERS premature vengeance, mutual defensiveness, self-righteous hurting, conflict porn

Tolerate discomfort for as long as you can, and then for a little while longer. Discover your untapped capacity to tolerate more pain than you could before. Stretch your comfort zone, as you realize your body can suffer colder and hotter extremes with little to no lasting harm. Become stronger as you stretch your limits to tolerate more and more. Know you can more fully resolve more needs the more you can endure. 

COUNTERS desertion, disavowal, abandonment, premature quitting, resignation

Consistently address needs as long as possible to fully resolve them. Avoid giving up if not immediately seeing expected results. Avoid settling for less than resolving a need. Let it take time to cover all angles. Build momentum. Pause if you must, then pick up where you left off. See this to the end to make the most from all your efforts. See how persevering through even the most challenging tasks can more fully resolve needs.

COUNTERS discouragement, compromising standards, missing excellence, complacency

Put off getting rewards until layer. Delay gratification to work a little longer on creating better results. Trust you can endure discomforts a little while longer for sweeter rewards. Since you may not recognize when indulging yourself at another's expense, keep yourself accountable to others you affect. Set a boundary for others not to indulge themselves at your unwelcome expense. Watch how discipline resolves more needs. 

COUNTERS self-indulgence, premature satisfaction, discomfort avoidance

Cultivate your ability to not be easily perturbed by negative circumstances. Realize you can be knocked down a few times in life and still get up. Find how you can grow stronger after healing from each wound. Find your ground and stand firm to resolve needs. See how you flinch less during conflicts when you are more grounded with resolved needs.

COUNTERS anxiety, paralyzing apprehension, hypervigilance, retraumatization

Avoid assuming each painful circumstance shall hold you back. Try bouncing back as soon as possible. Get back on your feet while it still hurts. Realize you can typically endure more discomfort than you likely give me yourself credit. Stretch your capacity to take punishing blows by leaning more on your social supports. Find how resilience allows you to resolve more needs. 

COUNTERS victimization, recurring harm, overdependence, helplessness

Allow more time for anticipated results. Wait as long as possible to more fully resolve a need. Avoid rushing into easier alternatives that can keep you from your full potential. Take as much time as necessary to regard all the needs involved. Yet, remain wary of expecting unrealistic results in the name of patience. And avoid exploiting the patience of others. See how properly disciplined patience resolves more needs. 

COUNTERS impatience, impetuous pursuits, sabotaging excellence

Let others faithfully count on you. Build your reputation for being reliable. Be there consistently when you agree to support them in their hour of need. Avoid expecting others to trust you until they can experience you repeatedly supporting what they need of you. Promptly warn others of unrealistic expectations of you, to safeguard your trustworthiness.

COUNTERS toxic skepticism, perceived unreliability, poor reputation, social avoidance

Let goods and services flow through you. Be a conduit through which others can find what they require to resolve their needs. Trust you will receive what your life requires the more you offer what you can give to satisfy what others require. Accumulate only to give. Discover how giving adds meaning to possessing stuff, as your generosity resolves more needs. 

COUNTERS stinginess, materialism, hoarding, alienation, economic inequality

Understand others through their own eyes, and less through the lens of your own expectations. Relate to them on their level. Feel their hurt when they are in pain. Feel their joy when life is in sync for them. Encounter their needs as if they were your needs in the moment. Look at life through their experiences, their daily challenges, and their needs in the moment. Let others empathize more with you by being less guarded. Feel more needs resolve with more empathy. 

COUNTERS normative alienation, hyper-rationality, stagnant relations, violence

Value life simply for its existence. Regard each other with high esteem. Honor their needs as you would have them honor yours. As much as it depends on you, and as much as you can, put their needs ahead of your own. At least in the moment when they are most in need. Model to others how you are to be treated by proactively valuing them and their current needs. Be known and affirmed for who you authentically are, as you do the same toward others. Bond with those closest to you. Reinforce each other's positive regard to spread love. 

COUNTERS animosity, outrage porn, hostility, disrespect, isolation, hyper-individualism

Aims to develop your "conflict orientation" from prioritizing defensive to prioritizing engagement.

This course can help bring out your "renew relationships" character refunctions:

• grace - the more you meet others where they're at, the less you're pulled into conflict

• forgiveness - the more you get past your anger, the less others guilt your faults

• atonement - the more overtures to restore loss you caused, the more you melt their antagonism

• mercy - the more you can suffer loss, the more you inspire others to get past their losses

• justice - the more responsive to their needs, the more they can be fairly responsive to your needs